I want a job so badly. I have worked so hard. I can't sleep because I feel so stressed.

Yet God is good!

I wrote something the other night. It was Wednesday. I had just gone to a career fair at my old university, even though I graduated in 2015.


What I wrote was this:
"I was praying to God tonight with regards to my situation. He said that He had me where He wants me to be!"


I was walking down the main sidewalk that runs through the center of campus, and heading to the pool for some much needed exercise. A friend agreed to join me there. While I was walking I prayed about my situation and God responded that He has me exactly where He wants me.

Later I told my friend in the hot tub in the pool area that perhaps I am under estimating God's sovereignty in my personal theology.

God knows what He is doing, and He knows how to take care of me. Yet I have bills to pay, and I have no job, and I live at home with Mom and Dad. I feel like I can't finish any of my projects (the book I am writing, or the long-term videos that I am working on).

In a nutshell, I am afraid that my life is going nowhere. But God is good. I don't know what He has planned for me.

My biggest Faith battle is the tension between the false teaching of the prosperity gospel, and my fear that God will not take care of me, and will see me, but refuse to help me.

The Bible teaches that God will take care of us, and it also teaches that we may be martyred. I do not know how to reconcile what I see with the death and suffering of the World, resulting from the Fall, and Matthew 6. Don't get me wrong, I get why we have death and suffering in the world, and I get that Adam's sin, and Humanity's continued rebellion against God is why we suffer as a race. But I do not understand how to reconcile the apparent contradictions with regards to God taking care of us. Even the Apostles suffered, Paul had what appears to be medical difficulties, and Timothy - Paul's student had stomach ailments. Yet Peter was given the power to heal so that even his shadow would heal people.

This area of battle with my Faith has gone on for more than ten years, and it is my biggest difficulty, and my biggest doubt. What am I missing? God is good. What am I missing, and why do I not understand?